Part Three: The Birth

Everyone was telling me that the first baby usually comes late. Well, that did not sit quite well with my plans. See my mom was coming in from out of town and only had one week to visit. My in laws were staying a month so they would be fine if my baby came late. The due suggestion date was December 11, my mom was coming in on December 9th, so it was definitely cutting it close. I had read in Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Childbirth by Giuditta Tornetta, that one might be able to influence when a baby comes. So I thought, why not try. So every day for about two months before my "due date" I talked with my baby and suggested that I was hoping that he/she could arrive a bit early, that I wanted time with just daddy, baby and me before the grandparents came. I suggested that Thanksgiving weekend would be the perfect time for our special day.

Thanksgiving weekend came and went - darn it. I tried not to be disappointed, but I was so very done with being pregnant, I was bloated, my feet hurt, I could not go more than a half hour between bathroom breaks - which really stunk at night, and the indigestion made eating a miserable experience. Well as it turns out I started having contractions Monday, December 1st at around 7:30 pm. Excellent! I got my planner out and started writing down the start and stop time of each contraction. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart and about 30 seconds long, so I waited until the were closer together and longer in duration to call. This continued all night until I could not wait to call my midwife any longer. At 4:00am I finally called my midwife, I felt bad waking her up but that is what she is there for. She got the details and told me to stay put and call her back if they continued to get shorter between and longer in length, and that if they continued past 7:00am she would be surprised. What? I thought for sure she would have me go to the birth center. So I made it to my bed and sure enough at 7:00am my contractions stopped. How disappointing. I called into work, I was up most of the night and would not be able to in good conscience do my work (I screened Pap smears for a living).

I had an appointment with my midwife that day pre-scheduled in advance. My husband took me and we explained all that had happened the night before. She never checked my cervix for effacement - that was my option also, something I read and they agree with that it doesn't give that much information. She still didn't think that I would have the baby any time soon, that again first babies usually come late, but not to be too disappointed, all of those contractions were doing something, perhaps opening up the cervix a bit.

After my appointment, my husband and I went to purchase a video recorder for our special day that might happen at any time. We went to Best Buy and purchased a Cannon HD video camera, blah, blah, blah. All I cared about is: "Honey, my contractions are starting again." I just sat down while my husband took care of the transaction. For the next couple of hours they were pretty far apart and fairly manageable, I tried not to pay much attention. That was something I read in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. So I took a short walk with my dogs and talked with my little one, encouraging him or her that I was ready to hold them in my arms and shower them with love. And that daddy is anxious to meet his little baby too.

That evening my contractions started to get stronger and harder to manage even with all of the reading I had done. Hypnobirthing - well - I never really did follow it. I just breathed through the contractions and thought of my cervix opening like a flower. I talked to myself in third person - saying that I knew I could do this naturally, this is what my body is made for, and to let the birth unfold as it will - Goddess willing. I tried to let my body go limp during a contraction to let go and let it do its job. Every time I was able to relax the contraction was definitely easier to manage, when I did tense they were not so pleasant.

I tried to go to bed that night, thinking that it was just like the night before all pre-labor and that it probably would stop just like the night before. I could not get comfortable at all in our Tempurpedic bed, so at 2:00 am I tried the hot tub. We had bought a new Hot Springs Jetsetter II hot tub a couple of months before. I had it set to 98 degrees, I went in and let my belly hang down in the tub and hooked my arms over the side and slept between contractions. I did have the forethought to bring my cell phone out with me - just in case.

Two hours later, at 4 in the morning I heard an audible "pop," it sounded like when a hip pops, then a gush. My water broke and immediately put me into - what I call the transition stage of labor. My contractions were much more difficult to breathe through and getting out of the tub into the house to our bedroom just about did me in. I woke my husband and between contractions told him that I was in labor and to call our midwife and find out what to do, and I went back into the hot tub to float and try to relax through these not so nice contractions.

My midwife told us to meet them at the water birth center at 5:30am. At this point all combined contraction time was about 11.5 hours on Monday, 8 hours on Tuesday and continued until 4 am when my water broke, so 23.5 hours of pre-labor. The car ride to the center, thank God, was a short 10 minute drive over a few miserable train tracks and all the cracks in the road - I felt them all. Donning just my bathrobe and flip flops I made it up the stairs (why didn't we take the elevator?) to the birth center, and as soon as I could I got into the birthing tub.

One midwife and two apprentices were there to assist with birthing my baby. The next couple of hours are a blur, I really can't believe it was as long as it actually was. I must have dozed off between contractions. The midwives were amazing, soft spoken, the lights dimmed, they put damp wash cloths on my forehead, and gave me things to sip on. I recall at one point I announced that I felt the need to push and asked if I could. Their response was just to go with what my body was telling me to do - so I did. I won't give and entire play by play, but just the highlights. Every contraction I was able to relax and breathe through was not truly painful, the ones that I tightened and clenched with did "hurt." I kept in mind that all of this was bringing me closer to the moment when I would meet my child and hold my baby in my arms and gaze into their eyes - that really made it manageable. My husband also was encouraging me, telling me that I was doing well and it would be soon.

Never did they check to see manually where my baby's head was, when I asked the told me to reach down and see if I could feel, that was amazing to feel the top of my baby's head, it rejuvenated me. When the baby crowned, which amazingly I was able to breathe through most of that, definitely the more relaxed I kept my body the easier that part was. When finally the baby's head came out there was a delay in the getting the rest out by about 5 minutes. At this point I had been basically on my back (the tub was not deep enough to get into a sitting position - which I had wanted to try but absolutely could not move to get into), my midwife was getting anxious about how long the baby's head had been out and not the body. The baby's heart rate was steady and not distressed, however; my midwife had me move to all fours and helped me with the next contraction to get the baby out. That was a blur, next thing I knew I had my baby out, and they helped me flip back over to a sitting position to hold my baby.

I asked if it was a boy or girl and my midwife told me to check myself, I had a little girl.

Total laboring time 23.5 hours pre-labor, about 1.5 hours of transition, and 3.5 hours of pushing, equaling 28.5 hours of contractions.

No rips or tears, no drugs, pure joy and elation...

Part Four: Elation

Part Two, Meeting the Midwives

I made an appointment to meet them around 28 weeks into my pregnancy, a little late to be switching but, I felt I needed to explore this option. I went into the water birth center, it's a very small place about 5-10 minutes from my home, and right across the street from a hospital (just in case - I thought).

I was a little taken aback at how small it actually was, just a reception area, hallway, storage/kitchen/laundry, and three "guest rooms." The furnishings were hotel like - a modestly upscale, VERY homey, and comfortable. Any misgivings I might have had were immediately dispelled with all the women gooing over someone's baby, and the sweetness of it all - just had me.

While in one of the suites, they offered me some herbal tea and I sat on a comfy couch - not a sterile patient's room at a clinic. This room was better decorated than my own bedroom, it had a very large bath tub overlooking wetlands in it for birthing - it was very comfortable and relaxing. Two midwives and two apprentices were assigned to me, for my entire prenatal and birthing care - no one else and no men - perfect. At the first visit one midwife and one apprentice was there and explained how the whole process went and all of my options. I can not tell in words how relaxed, at home and how "right" this all felt for me. I was actually, truly envisioning a really beautiful birth experience and I was excited and almost ready (I really enjoyed being pregnant - up until that last month of being bloated and having heartburn).

I transferred my care over to their competent hands for the rest of my pregnancy and birth. Over the course of the next couple months I met with both midwives and both apprentices for my prenatal care. Every visit was scheduled for an hour, some actually took that long, with all of the questions and answers and some did not. One visit my midwife painted my belly with the postion of my baby - it was very precious.

Amazingly, they never checked my cervix - they left that up to me - if I chose to know how effaced and open my cervix was. From what I was reading - it did not help that much to know, and in some cases knowing hindered the mother to be with feeling like the pregnancy wasn't progressing as it should and could lead to anxiety. I came to trust my body was meant to have a baby and that I could and would do this naturally -no drugs, as nature intended and God/Godess willing. I also, came to the conclusion that my poor sister's doctors just did not know or use the information that the midwives have.

I kept thinking of the over 30% cesarean rate at hospitals and started to believe that something is not working in that system of a natural human event. And given the statistics of our country's c-section, and natural birth mortality rates - it didn't add up. The countries that use midwives and home birth do better over all. Then the drugs, I didn't want my baby to have to be exposed immediately to anything unless absolutely necessary, and having a pain killer is not in my book as absolutely necessary. The Hypnobirthing book really helped me realize that I could tap into my endorphins and to keep fear out of my head (fear causes adrenaline and pain response). I watched some hypnobirth and water birth videos on Youtube and was really helped by seeing the peacefulness of some of the births that were on there.

Our birthing class taught by a midwife was another valuable and insightful experience. We watched videos of natural home births and water births by women all over the world. It was all very empowering to see young children and husband/partners in the tub with the mother to be sharing in the experience of bringing the child into the world.

Part Three: The Birth - next time

Having a baby - with midwives...

I have to start somewhere and the birth of my daughter is the most life defining moment I have ever had. But to be fair to the whole story, I will actually begin with the pregnancy, and some of the defining moments prior to her actual birth.

It starts a few years ago when I proposed the idea to my husband that having a baby is something I did not want to miss in my life experience. After trying for a while and getting a little desperate, I started checking in on fertility clinics. Well, as luck would have it our vacation to Maui, was all the fertility clinic I needed.

I found out I was pregnant while I was in training for a century bike ride for Team in Training for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I got a bit nervous riding as vigorously as I was while in the beginning stages of pregnancy. Fortunately, I did not get really sick, just mild nausea. My doctor assured me that as long as I did not overheat I would be fine.

Choosing an obstetrician and deciding where to have my baby was one of the first things I had to do. Both my sisters had to have cesarean sections with all of their babies because of various "complications" so I assumed I would not be able to have my baby naturally as well. My husband was a 10 pound baby and is 6'6" so I figured I would have a "too big baby" as well. One of my sister's 10 pound 11 ounce babies was "too big" and she would have died in childbirth so her doctor said after many hours of labor. They said her pelvis was not for having babies. The other sister had pre-eclampsia and became unstable during labor so she had to have a c-section. The rest of their babies were planned c-sections.

With that history I signed up with a local well rated hospital with the best neonate unit in the area (just in case). I chose a woman doctor because I did not want a man (not being sexist) to deliver my baby. I wanted a woman who has the same parts and who has gone through with what I was about to go through - well she had not had a baby yet, but come to find out at my four month visit she was pregnant as well just two weeks behind me - cool we were going through it together.

During the months leading up, my husband asked my why I wanted to have my baby in a hospital - "it's not like your sick, you're just having a baby" he said. Side note, he was born at home with a midwife and his father delivered him. Apparently, in England after the first normal childbirth a woman may give birth at home if the pregnancy is normal (something like that). It got me thinking - why not do some reading about home birth. My pregnancy was going along beautifully, and I was getting more and more uneasy with having a baby at a hospital. I registered for an online birth course for natural childbirth, got a book on Hypnobirthing, and I got a book called Painless Childbirth. All of this was very empowering.

Back to my doctor, at my six month visit, she informed me that she would not be able to attend my birth because of her pregnancy and that one of her colleagues would attend (which one who knows - might even be a man I never met - oh yea :( At that point I was really uneasy, and feeling like this is not the birthing experience I wanted, and with the books I was reading I was seeing how a beautiful birthing experience could be.

I inquired on a local waterbirth center and got a consultation to meet the midwives - that is where my story really starts.